So, times are hard and you need a job. But who wants to spend hours sprucing up their CV and slowly sinking into a “What the hell is the point in this... All I have to my name is a degree in Media and the fact I want to Boy Scouts twice when I was seven...” depression.
There are so many other ways to land yourself a job. And they’re a hell of a lot more likely to grab your potential employers’ attention than a piece of paper.
1. Pretend you already work where you want to
Instead of doing the usual unemployment thing of bumming around at home every day watching Jeremy Kyle, get up, suit up, and find your way into the building of your dream workplace. Once you’re there, negotiate the office space planning, find a spare office and do something that makes you look like you’re working. After a few weeks, try and schmoose your way onto the payroll.*
* Please note: may only work in gigantic companies where no one knows each other.
2. Start a blog
Use your spare time (which should a fair amount) to build a blog geared towards showcasing just how awesome you are and why you deserve a job. Make it funny, and pimp it out on Twitter to anyone you want to work for. Hey, if it’s clever enough, it might even go viral.
3. “Call Me Maybe” business cards
With the amount of wit and creativity it takes to make these, and the balls it takes to actually seriously give them to people, you should be hired on the spot. Right...? If there’s one thing that people love, it’s a gimmick!
4. Stalk your would-be boss
Find the five companies you would most like to work for and the names of the top dogs of each one (not literal dogs, unless you want to work for Crufts). Buy said names on Google Ads, so when this person eventually (inevitably) Googles themselves, up will pop your name and phone number. Win.
5. Sell yourself on Ebay
Write an enticing description to go with your most professional-looking photo, and list yourself on Ebay. Let all of your friends know, and then hope and pray that someone tips of the local news so someone of importance realises you’re on there...
6. Wear a sandwich board
I know of two incidences that this has actually got someone hired. Simply buy/make a sandwich board, and make sure you write “I NEED A JOB. I WENT TO UNIVERSITY. PLEASE HIRE ME.” in big letters (otherwise you’ll just look crazy). Then patrol busy streets until someone pays attention to you.
7. Ice a cookie
Bake cookie. Ice cookie with “HIRE (insert name)”. Send to potential boss. Get hired. I mean, who would turn down a cookie? Alternatively who would eat a desperation cookie from an unemployed vagrant, hey, as long as the tasty message gets across.
8. Get famous on YouTube
Whether you’re a wannabe singer/dancer/actor/comedian/presenter/politician, YouTube is one way to get yourself noticed. All you need to do is come up with that winning clip... Now, do you have a dog/cat that occasionally does amusing things?
9. Bring your would-be boss breakfast
Attack Surprise your would-be boss with a winning combination of good food and persistence. Turn up at your boss’s office when he arrives every morning with a yummy breakfast, and greet him with a polite “Hire me!” until he does. Food makes it acceptable, trust me.
10. Advertise yourself
Step one: Create awesome advert. Step two: Buy slot on digital billboard. Step three: Get hired. Simple.
All of these methods have actually been used in reality, and, more often than not, the perpetrators have landed themselves a job. Whoever said handing out CVs was the best way to get hired? That’s what boring people do.
About The Author:
James Duval knows a lot about lots of things. He’s an IT specialist, gaming addict and has worked in many different jobs and even started hi s own business so can offer many useful business tips. He blogs for Interaction UK Bath.
Who needs a CV?! Image by: The Italian Voice
