Why is it that certain people can go through life without seeming to every have any fears or lack of college?
Why is it that certain people can go through life without seeming to ever have show fear, especially when starting something new and scary, just like college as a prime example? Why is it some people succeed just by thinking that they either deserve it or they just want or need to do it? Why are some people just born with all the luck and charisma, whilst others are left feeling jealous?
As you may have guessed from the above questions, I certainly do not think I am one of those a fore mentioned people with a vast amount of confidence. But when I was just a kid, I could excuse my lack of motivation and will power as being the fault of my parents and even my environment. Well I probably did that until I had to travel 100 miles away from home to go to college for the very first time. Once there, I suddenly realized that there was no body to blame but me. I could not blame my parents for not letting me out late. I could not blame my parents for forbidding me from doing things. They, after all were hundreds of miles away with no idea what I was doing from hour to hour, let alone week to week.
After a few weeks in college I came to really despise my roommate. Not because he was a bad person, not even because he seemed to have a never ending access to money.
No, I despised him because he was a guy who could do anything he set his mind to. If he wanted a particular girl, he would have her in his arms within a couple of days. If he wanted to influence a teacher to get a good score he could do that by pressing the “charm” button. If he wanted to be the center of attention, then all he had to do was to think it, and it just seemed to happen. Just like magic.
Did he have any draw backs? Well I suppose he did. He was not a good looking guy, but no one ever seemed to see that. He was not a great academic, but that never stopped him from getting on in college at all. I suppose he was just an average guy in academic pursuits, but in every other way he was a king of everything he touched, or the people he met.
I would rest in my room and watch him. How was it that we were so different? How was it that he was able to achieve almost any goals he set himself? How was it he seemed never to be in a bad mood or get flustered? Surely he cannot be totally that self-confident?
One night about four months in I noticed his bed side light was on at about 3am. As I looked over more I could see he was in fact shaking. The guy was crying! As this never happens to Mr. Perfect, I jumped out of the bed and asked what’s happened? Thinking he was ill or something.
At first there was not a response, but a few minutes later he said he was scared of the next day. I could not understand what the fear could be? Maybe he was being threatened by someone, either way what could I do to help? I must have asked hat out loud, as he said I really could help.
He then told me everything. He has a fear of the English language, to be more precise this guy who can do everything has an Achilles heel. His fear was the next day class that involved doing essay editing. He was in fear of looking stupid, as he just goes into a panic.
Go figure. All these weeks nothing fazed the man. He had a hundred per cent more confidence and charisma then me. But a simple class that required him writing a formal document had sent him into a spiral of fear.
I suppose it would be the same fear I would feel if I was trying to chat up a girl, or the same fear I would have in trying to debate in a group of people. Maybe it was the same sort of fear I would have if I was trying to score a point in a college football game. The pressure will lead to fear, which would lead to failure.
Finally I knew that none of us are perfect. That this giant of confidence could be floored by something too. Just as I thought it was ridiculous that he was in fear of essay editing, then he would think it equally ridiculous that I was in a fear about talking to strangers, or even learning to drive. The fear is what prevents you from trying.
I am glad this happened. I now am closer to my roommate than before. With a little help from me he managed to get through the next day, and as a reward I suppose, he takes me with him to meet strangers and friends. The more I help him with his fears, the more he helps me with mine. I may never be as self-confident in all things, but I have decided that fear will not be allowed to win too often.
About The Author:
Simon Plant is no longer suffering the fear of failure.
