I must be the most show girl in the whole wide world. Ever since I can remember I have never been able to have the same outward spirit that all my friends and family have shown. I melt away into the background when at a party or any formal event. I am the person that offers no comment and is the unknown girl on the corner desk in school. My friends counted one and she was just as strange as me, in fact probably a little more strange as she had violent outburst over really trivial things.
I have always made efforts to “come out of my shell”, but that would last a couple of weeks as everybody around me just knew it was a false me. Everyone knew that I would revert back to being the shy girl that nobody really wanted to pay any attention too. Even at home my parents would talk about me in front of others as if I was not there. I do blame them as I would say nothing anyway.
Now I have decided to break free from this trapped little girl and blossom out into a swan. I have a chance here at college, as nobody know who I am and nobody can judge me by what I was like in the past. A new page and a new me. On arrival I was loud and smiling. I even went up to complete strangers and started conversations (If only they knew how terrified I was) and people would talk back to me so free and easy.
After three weeks I am surprised to see that my “act” is becoming easier and easier to maintain. I go to sports clubs now as an audience member and I even shout out like all the rest of the girls. I have been drinking and have found that people seem to be following my every word in the bars. The problem with this is of course I may have made up a few little white lies to keep people listening. Just a few.
I noticed a girl in the same block as me who was never speaking to anybody. For the weeks we have been here I have never seen her smile or relate to another human being. That girl was the old me, so I have to help her. I have made contact with her several times and I just cannot get her to talk or be sociable at all. It is like a version of me from weeks ago.
I have invited her out several times but there is always an excuse. Homework or essay editing. I have offered to come to her room with some cheap wine and have a girl’s night in. The essay editing excuse keeps coming again and again. I am NOT going to stop trying as I know she needs rescuing just like I did. I want to make her life change for the best, just as mine has.
About the Author
Laura Tokus has now managed to bring another fellow student into the world of being sociable, and thus enjoy life at college.