Loneliness can be a cruel problem. Imagine that you are in a room of fifty people all having a great time. All talking and chatting and laughing, and communicating with each other. And all with such impressive ease. Imagine that you are in that same room, with those same people and you are sitting alone in a corner.
The room was a hall hired by the students union for a party to welcome everyone to their new year and their new college. This was my first time away from home, and although that must go for the majority of other people in the room, they seem not to be affected at all by this new experience.
I am sitting alone, I do not even have an MP3 player or book to hide behind, and I am sitting with a huge false smile across my face as everyone else has teamed up into small groups of “loving friends”. These people are no different to me, but they have instantly been able to talk and mingle and do that impossible thing. Being sociable.
So it is true that you can be in a room of people and still be lonely. This is only day two and my heart has dropped. Not only have I failed to mingle, not only do I feel desperately lonely. But I also feel that everyone is now looking over at me and making the correct judgment that there is a lonely man there. What a loser he must be, because he does not want to join in with everyone else.
The truth is that I do want to join in. I do want to be part of this magical fun day. I do want get up off this chair and walk across the room to the nearest group and put out my hand and say “I am Tom, how are you all?” I can even feel my body make the muscle spurt to try and stand up and do just that. Unfortunately my brain and my willpower have let my body down.
I never realized before that I was not at ease with meeting people. At school there was never an issue, in fact I think I was very popular and never ever thought about not being able to mingle and no way would I have considered I was a lonely guy.
After at least an hour sitting on my own, the anger in me drove me to stand up. Once I did that. I was still not sure what to do. I just moved forward and positioned myself in a semi-circle of the nearest group of laughing college mates. I approached and put a false smile on, and nothing happened. I started to panic, and wondered how I could retreat with some dignity, when the guy doing all the talking looked at me and asked me “Where you from guy?
Five hours later, and several drinks I returned to my room happy and contented. I am looking forward to meeting these guys again, as that one move to join the group has now meant I am part of them. I am not in any way lonely now, but it is all down to making the effort. It is easy to blame everyone but yourself.
I suppose if I had not made the effort I would have spent my free time doing essay editing in my room alone. I would have become that guy doing essay editing, as opposed to the guy who is now one of the group.
About The Author:
Paul Simmons is no longer lonley in life, thanks to College.